A week of coming back, a bit of setback (foot hurts more than I want) and a lot of reading and thinking, but also a new beginning.

Happened

• On Monday I few back from Gran Canaria to Amsterdam. I wrote a little about how returning to the Netherlands was very alienating to me, probably also because the traveling was really tiring. The days after I tried to recover from it all.
• Thursday I went to Utrecht to go to the barber (yes) and also visited Subcultures again. This resulted in me buying the Mothership RPG box set, for which I didn't really have budget anymore but hey I love it. Especially the Warden's Operation Manual contains good GM advice for pretty much any game, I can see why this won prices. Can't wait to plan a session (it has been too long).
• Friday 1 November I started by new job at Atleta. It was mostly installing the laptop and getting to know the team and codebases and then it was already weekend, but it was a good start. Looking forward to dive in more on Monday.
• Over the week I noticed that every morning, my left (previously broken) foot was hurting. It was fine, as it went away during the day, but by Saturday I noticed that the morning pain did increase. Next week I'm going to make an effort to not walk too much. Mountain climbing on barefoot shoes in Gran Canaria was fun, but maybe not the smartest.
• Saturday I also visited Eindhoven for the belated birthday party of Henrique, which was at an "All you can eat" restaurant. Since Tuesday I also started to track calories and this made that pretty much impossible for Saturday. But it was a lot of fun!
• I started the calorie tracking because I suspected I am probably eating too little again. And indeed: this week I really struggled to hit the calorie counts that my Apple Watch said I burned (bearing in mind that "active energy" and "resting energy" are different metrics which you should add up together). I also noticed that in the beginning of the week, I would feel hungry at around -900 kcal, meaning the moment when I burned 900 kcal more than I ate that day. Later on in the week, I started to get hungry when I hit 0, which feels to me much healthier.
• The other point is that I've been slowly dipping into more and more calisthenics over the past month: I've bought a small notebook and I have been tracking push-ups and other body-weight exercises in it. I can now finally do full push ups: Saturday I did three times three (a month ago I could not do a single one). Eating enough calories and enough protein seems to be important for this. (Thus I should revisit my earlier post about protein chips?)
• Also did some inner searching by starting to read Polysecure by Jessica Fern again. I don't consider myself poly-amorous, but I have been the loose part of other people's non-monogamy. The "secure" part of the title refers to attachment theory, which I delved into a lot in January and February of this year. It's nice to re-read it in the face of my holiday crush and analyze my reaction to that. Maybe I should write a separate blogpost about it, but before that I need to decide how much of it I actually want to share.
• Finally: I reduced my time on Youtube significantly compared to pre-Gran Canaria and I try to keep that and replace it all with reading (and writing) more. Honesty makes me confess though: my Instagram time has a bit of an uptick. Nothing is perfect I guess.

Read

• The Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss (chapters 57-67 on the plane; 68-70 at home)
• Polysecure by Jessica Fern (started again, introduction and chapters 1 and 2)
• Mothership Sci-Fi Horror RPG: Player's Survival Guide (full) and Warden's Operation Manual (half)

Listened

• a podcast about Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach but I can't remember which episode

Second and last week on Gran Canaria. It’s been nice, with reasonable recovery of my foot, so I have been quite active.

Happened

• As I walked way too much last week, I tried a day at the apartment complex on Monday. I’ve only been out for some groceries and dinner, which I kept close too. Just sitting next to the pool and reading a book is indeed very relaxing. I struggle with it because “I could do this at home” and I could and should, but it was good for my foot and mind to take a break.
• On Tuesday, I finally got the car I reserved way too late. I drove it across the island through the mountains, to a highest point of around 1750 meters, but with a lot of climbing in between. I wrote a long Dutch blogpost about this.
• I also got out halfway to climb up to Roque Nublo. This I did record, so I know I reached the rock in 22 minutes, passing by a lot of families with children. The whole trip is on Strava (which I should still import onto this site).
• Wednesday I still had the car and went to a “Waterfall trail” I found on the internet. Very nice hike with less children, more challenge, but still very doable. I did both of these hikes on the barefoot shoes without the soles in, making me feel every surface along the route, which was very nice, but still with protection from the sharp rocks.
• Thursday was a bit of a rest day. Friday as well: not walking much and trying out the swimming pool, the beach and the weird machines they had at the hotel gym (I discovered the assisted dips machine and it was good).
• Actually, I’ve been working out in that gym every odd day of the holidays. As I said before: after my foot broke, I noticed I had no power in my arms at all. I’m changing that now.
• Saturday I went to the airport to get a new car, and I reserved an Opel Corsa this time, so I would hopefully fit. There was a very long queue in front of the office, which in the end took me 1 hour and 47 minutes to get through. Turns out they were completely overbooked and were just handing cars out as they came in downstairs. I got a much more luxurious SEAT Arona for the same price.
• Saturday, I drove the Arona to the highest peak of the island. It was cloudy and windy, however, so I have not actually been to the highest point: I did not dare to leave the car and there wouldn’t have been anything to see anyway. It was interesting to drive around in the clouds. I also visited Teror, which was cold and reminded me of Dutch summers.
• Sunday I drove around the island, following the eastern road to the north and then back via the highway on the west, back to my apartment in the south. Then after a final visit to the gym, I went through the middle to Fataga for a last hike. The Arona is much too big for my taste, but it was very fast compared to my Volkswagen Up, and the carplay was very pleasant.
• (Writing this on the airport but hey, today is a new week!)

Playlist

Most of these tracks are here because I Shazammed them in a bar. Isabel Pantoja is there twice because of the drag lipsync performance I saw. Japanese 90s was just something I needed.

• Sinceramente - Annalisa
• ZORRA - Nebulossa
• Hoy Quiero Confesarme - Isabel Pantoja
• Marinero de Luces - Isabel Pantoja
• I Will Go With You (Con Te Partiró) - Donna Summer
• ラブ・ストーリーは突然に (Sudden Love Story) - Kazumasa Oda

Read

• The Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss (chapters 37-56, all on the island)

It's week 10 and I ran again, for a very short distance but still. In the beginning of the week there was pain every morning, which I could get rid of by massaging and stretching, but at the end my foot feels mostly fine.

Happened

• On Monday I visited the physiotherapist again. He was 15 minutes late, yet ended our session at the normal time. He placed two tapes on my foot and gave me a new exercise. I really don't believe the tape helps at all, which means I also won't get the placebo effect from it, so when he said to schedule a new appointment in three weeks I just didn't. I'll massage and feel my way out of this myself.
• Improvisation class is still going on every Tuesday evening. Last week I totally locked down during an exercise where we had to interrupt someone else's monologue by repeating two of their words and starting our own monologue. I just couldn't find good spots to interrupt, and when there was one, I was thinking too deep about it and therefore missed my chances. This week there was an exercise where there would be two characters on stage, but four performers, who would swap roles on the cues "inside" and "outside". It went great. Last week I felt very stupid, this week I felt like I could actually learn this improv thing.
• Wednesday I first visited the Miró exposition in Beelden aan Zee with my stepmom and then visited by dad together. When having coffee at the museum we sat at the exact spot where I sad with my dad for (I believe) the last time we went to a museum together. Apart from the emotional undertone it's a nice museum with interesting sculptures.
• Wednesday I also noticed how the balance of my left foot improved, so I tested it. It was very boring, but I made it to 7:35 minutes on my previously broken foot. There is still soreness every morning but we're getting closer and closer to being healed fully.
• Also started walking a lot more this week, by just going for walks, by walking parts of routes I would've cycled (if I had the time) and by getting off one or two metro stations earlier and walk the last bit. The vast majority of these walks are on barefoot shoes, as I really exclusively wear those, but since this week I also have a pair of the Altra Escalante shoes, which are basically barefoot shoes (wide toe box, zero drop), but with cushioning, to make some of the walks easier.
• Friday and Saturday there were boardgames: Friday evening there was a boardgame evening at work, also functioning partly as my goodbye, and Saturday I went to the Boardgayming XL event. I played Tokyo Highway at both of them, but also others: there is again a small list of games below this post.
• Saturday evening A. and I were trying to catch the metro, so I ran 50 meters to still get it. It went well, and I don't think it was too risky: I had the cushioned Altra shoes on and I did not go all out. Also: 50 meters is very manageable. I will try more walks next week, and maybe 100 meters running?

Played

• Codenames: Pictures
• Perudo
• Regenwormen
• Tokyo Highway: Rainbow City
• Eternitium
• Let's Call the Exorcist
• Speculaas
• The Dick Sits
• For the Queen

Watched

• House of Cards (rewatching)

Henrique is forcing me into participating in this collective blogging event called the "IndieWeb Carnival", this time hosted by ZinRicky. This month's topic is "Multilingualism in a Global Web", but I'll just write a bit about my own use of different languages on this site and on social media.

Let's start with the languages I speak. I am native Dutch and I am fairly fluent in English. I also understand some Japanese as I have been self studying on and off for over 15 years now. According to my middle school diploma I also know French and German, and I indeed proved to be able to have some basic conversations in Essen this weekend, but my French is really a withered plant at the moment. I did a Swedish course for beginners around 2011 and even though I still know some words, sentences and intonations, I have just removed it from my LinkedIn profile because a recruiter reached out to me regarding a Swedish speaking job offer I am neither interested in nor qualified for. I also have Duolingo "my cat is an apple" proficiency in Spanish, Italian, Ukrainian and Russian. On parties without too many language nerds I dare to say "name any language and I'll know a fact about it," because this is true for most languages normal people would mention.

Then about this blog: I started writing exclusively in Dutch, as that is my native language. When I "joined" the IndieWeb, I started writing posts that were relevant to an IndieWeb audience in English, as I knew only one person on the IndieWeb who understood Dutch at the time. Since I broke my foot 9 weeks ago, I started weekly notes and somehow I started those in English (probably mostly because the week notes I read in my RSS reader are all in English too, so it felt part of the genre.)

Thus, previously I had the distinction "IndieWeb is English, rest is Dutch", then it moved to "personal is Dutch, rest is English", but now I also gone away with that. I guess it's now just "however I feel like it". There is also the thing that I care less about the audience for my Dutch posts, so maybe I write English for others and Dutch for myself?

As for social media: I have separate Dutch and English Twitter accounts, both being inactive due to someone buying the platform. I also have a "Seb leert Zweeds" account, on which I posted short and badly written Swedish tweets back in the day. The Twitter distinction of Dutch and English was also: Dutch for random thoughts, personal stuff, English for being professional, following mostly web developers and tech accounts.

I don't know exactly what to say about multilingualism on the bigger web. I read whatever I can read, which comes down to both Dutch and English (Japanese is already too hard to read if it's not on NHK News Web Easy). I sometimes write my posts in Dutch with the idea that people who are interested will use a translator app, but I am also aware that I never really do that when I read myself.

I do mark all my posts with a language, so that they show up in the proper feeds. People can therefore subscribe to only my English posts and skip the Dutch. This would've made more sense if I was more strict about the topic within each language, I assume, but hey I am not writing this for money... this is a personal blog.

This week I went to Essen, so my "Played" list is a bit out of proportion.

Happened

• As I posted last week's update on Monday, and as I was reading back on my notes, I saw the progress I made and decided to go in deep with a foot massage and explore my painful and tight spots. This resulted in a huge improvement in the overall stiffness of my foot, and therefore also in how I walk (maybe not the visible part, but certainly the feeling of it).
• Monday I also went shopping a bit for Altra shoes. These are running shoes, so they have cushioning, but also a feature the wider toebox with extra space for the big toe. I did not end up buying any, for they didn't have my size and I feel like I am spending a bit too much on my foot. Also: I don't think I am able to run yet, these would be for a bit more stabilization of the foot.
• So instead of getting new ones, I wore my old running shoes (the Asics GT-2000 8) for a few normal walks this week. I always size my running shoes a bit bigger (this one is 47) and that also gives a bit more room to the toes. I really want to get rid of the soreness in my left foot and I think stepping back to a bit more support really helped too. I just really value the effect barefoot shoes have on my big toes, so I don't want to wear too restrictive footwear anymore.
• From Thursday to Sunday I went to Spiel in Essen with A., and we played a lot of games, see the list below. My foot went well: I had a different pair of more sturdier shoes with me just in case, and I used those on the first day, but all the other days I wore barefoot shoes all day long and without noticeable pains. I even think the pains I had are much less now, thanks to the massaging.

Played

• Catan: kaartspel voor twee spelers, with Tovenaars en draken expansion – played this in the hotel after I found a copy with all expansions in a local thrift store for €2.50... worth at least 10 times as much.
• Command of Nature – also in the hotel before going to Spiel.
• Kluster – nice game of placing magnets in a circle until they cluster; part of the collection at the Boardgayming Amsterdam stand which we crashed after a day of walking through all the six halls of the Essen Messe.
• Tiny Epic Galaxies – also a staple old staple of A. and me, played at the Boardgayming stand.
• Open Season – a game where you try to hang heads of fantasy races on the wall, each position giving you a special kind of scoring. Reasonable mechanics, questionable theme.
• Eternitium (bought) – certainly a highlight: small and fast deck building game with beautiful artwork, in which you are time travelers trying to find a magic crystal.
• Valroc – much bigger game by the same creator as the above, but this one did not work for me. Too big, and it all felt a bit disconnected, combined with a rather thing story and a draft phase which we skipped in the demo but turned out to be unrecoverable important.
• Dungeon Legends – A. almost bought it but it was sold out. Bit of a tower defense game but with a more dungeon crawler feel to it, also with a bit of deck building. Comes in five (?) different scenarios you can play.
• Hidden Leaders Duel (playtest) – this game actually does not "exist" yet, as it was invented by my old coworker Michiel de Wit, who is now the publisher of the Dutch version of Hidden Leaders. It worked, but only after the game I understood how. (Can also blame the noisy environment for that.)
• Aeon's End: The New Age – we played the German version, with Germans, but they were kind enough to translate along the way. Nevertheless this was quite incomprehensible to me. We were all together trying to defeat a monster, playing cards to cast spells, buying new cards, opening bridges to be able to play more spells... but most of all we put a lot of maggots and flies on a board and that eventually killed us.
• Tokyo Highway: Rainbow City (bought) – after all these weird fantasy games I wanted some time to explore for myself and in the corner with Japanese games I found this lovely game where you are trying to create a highway by carefully placing wooden sticks on wooden blocks, topping them off with cute tiny rubber cars. The end result of the game looks amazingly complicated, how did we get here?
• (I also bought Scout in this corner, but I already played it before...)
• Linx – cute little game that one of the Swiss people pulled out of her bag while waiting for Tokyo Highway to begin. A mixture of rock-paper-scissors and tic-tac-toe. We did not finish it though.
• The Dick Sits – Adrian Collier's new game of which I am a Kickstarted backer. Also seen many iterations of it while playtesting at the Boardgayming evenings, but I really like the final version. Seeing friends explain this game to straight people was a new experience though.
• The Dragon Prince: Battlecharged – this one was also in the corner of the The Dick Sits stand that was reserved for the Boardgayming in Amsterdam community. (I think A. and I were the only ones who used it to play a non-Dick Sits game?) Unfinished game, because it was the end of the day and we were (rightfully) thrown out.
• The Flames of Fafnir – A. really really wanted to play this one. It is even more of a tower defense game, with the giant dragon Fafnir breathing fire in the form of orange marbles that are actually rolled across the board to knock over the miniature heroes and the obstacles that they place.
• Whoosh: Bounty Hunters – weird little game in which you turn over cards with icons of swords, bows, fire, ice etc., and must place your hand on one of the monster cards in the middle if it can be beaten by the matching icons that are currently visible. Not my type of game, but interesting fantasy twist in the genre.
• Go – I was watching a beginner game at the Go stand (both the beginner and the instructor made very weird moves... the instructor even claiming a false victory because there was a move that saved the beginner), when I was greeted by a familiar face – I think from a tournament in Bonn – so we played a quick game on a 13-by-13 board. It came down to komi, which we did not agree on beforehand, so we waived the result away. As I said to him: I should play more Go again.
• Die Patin (almost bought) – a maffia game but you're all animals, trying to control territory in a city by placing mobsters on street corners, while also opening back shops. It has interesting mechanics, including the fact that you can only score by having the biggest of something in one round per game, which makes all players pursue different goals each round. While writing this I am actually sad that A. talked me out of buying this one.
• Gnome Hollow (bought instead) – a cute game in which you are gnomes, trying to create paths (in a Carcassonne style) and collect the mushrooms along those paths, trading them for trinkets while planting flowers. Got less wholesome when A. denied two other players an addition to our shared path, turning it a bit more cutthroat, but thanks to some nice combo's I won anyway.
• Cloudy Kingdom – by a Dutch creator named Wouter, in which you place cards with crossroads (bit Saboteur-like) to connect your two castles, while denying other player's connections.
• Royale: Party at Louis' – by another Dutch creator also named Wouter, where you pick up sets of three cards (from a deck numbered 1 to 12 in different colors / dishes), and try to distribute them among nobles who are eating very specific diets ("give me only odd numbers of chicken", "give me any dish, but with a total value of 25").
• EOS: Island of Angles – a very big game to which A. made an appointment to play, but I am glad he did, because this was my favorite of the big games we played. It's an asymmetrical game (each player has their own set of actions they can take, which are different form the other players), where you are trying to sail towards angels, and win them over in order to fight the demons who are causing trouble. I had my main mechanic (both playing cards from my hand, as well as moving a bit faster than others) blocked for most part of the game, but I still managed to finish second after the instructor, who said she hadn't played on Spiel herself yet, and who did not hold back at all.
• Shogi – A. is a chess player, so I wanted to play the Japanese version of it with him. Of course he won easy, even in the strangeness of promotion and bringing back pieces to the board.
• Choconnect – interesting little four-in-a-row, except that there are three types of chocolate: with decorations of three, four and five, indicating how many in a row you need to win. And also: you slide chocolate in from the side.
• (Apart from this list, I also bought the RPG rulebooks for Thirsty Sword Lesbians and Death in Space.)

Oops, weeknotes, one day too late! This week I was in full revalidation mode, meaning: trying to go through all the pains. Where this previously resulted in less pain, this week it seems like there is no progress. I did however become stronger, I think, and that's also worth something.

Happened

• Monday I went to a physiotherapist after I promised someone at G.'s birthday party that I would do so. He taped my foot to improve walking in a more natural way, and he gave me some exercises. I've been my own physiotherapist up until now, guided by attention to pain and Youtube, but it doesn't hurt to ask a profesional.
• Tuesday I signed a contract for a new job. This means I'll start at Atleta in November, and I'll be taking a little vacation in the end of October. Hope my foot is healed enough for me to make it a bit more of an active holiday.
• My third Improvisation class went rough this time (in my experience, it was probably fine). It seems to me that I have a goal (not blocking, just flowing along) and I did block a lot when I had to play a scene. But maybe the fact that I have a goal is part of the blocking? This is not easy.
• I watched the rest of The Boyfriend, the Japanese gay dating show and it left a big impression on me. Both the way the participants talked about being gay (in Japan) as well as the way they were trying to convey their feelings to each other. Maybe I should also try again.
• My mom visited me on Thursday, for the first time since I live here in Amsterdam. Or well, she was here when I got the keys, but that's not the same. It was nice to show her the house but also a bit confrontational to see how much needs to be done in the house after more than a year of living here.
• I posted a bit about walking in barefoot shoes, but I've also started to train other muscles in my body. I guess the rehabilitation process after the broken foot makes me more aware of my body in general. I've found the term "calisthenics", through which I found all kinds of variations on body weight exercises which I can actually perform. Because: when I was on crutches, I noticed my arms could not support my body weight at all. My goal is to change that, and it's already improving. (I'm writing down all progress in a small physical notebook.)
• Sunday I finally played Frosthaven again. Getting adults into the same room to play a session within a campaign based board game is so hard. The next one will probably be in december, given all our calendars. But it was a good one: we were not crazy tired after the one scenario and opted for Munchkin instead of a second scenario, to keep that feeling.

Played

• Codenames: Deep Undercover (the adult version)
• Frosthaven
• Munchkin Bites! (a vampire themed version)

Watched

• The Boyfriend, episode 5-10
• Thermae Romae Novae (anime about a Roman architect who repeatedly gets transported to Japan while submerged in baths, learning and comparing the Japanese onsen culture to the Roman one. Certainly one of the craziest anime series I have seen)

After reading the first chapter of The Organized Mind last week, I felt like I was working on reducing chaos in my life. This week turned out to be much more chaotic. Imagining a week doesn’t make it necessarily so.

Happened

• Tuesday I brought my car to the planned service, finally, as it got moved because of my broken foot. It was a “groot onderhoud”, so I was expecting a big bill, but I was really shocked by the price of the new tires. With €1022 this is the biggest car bill I ever paid, apart from the purchase. My Volkswagen Up is one of the cheaper options, but it still made me rethink the whole concept of car ownership. Might blog about this.
• Improv got cancelled this week, so I went to Prik for Boardgayming for a full night of games. It was a lot of fun, see the list below.
• As the car got service in Amsterdam West, due to scheduling, I arranged an ebike as alternative transport. I have mixed feelings about driving an ebike in Amsterdam, which I should probably explain in a separate blogpost, but my biggest problem: the rental company had screwed in the board computer, so I couldn’t remove it, but someone on the streets of Amsterdam just pulled until it got loose, leaving me with a heavy bike without any e- anymore.
• Thursday evening there were even more boardgames. The Boardgayming event is not as big on Thursday as it is on Tuesday, but I still have hopes that it will improve a bit now that the summer is over and the Prik edition is sold out in no time every week.
• Friday I tried to find a forest to walk a bit with my new barefoot shoes on. It was really nice, you really feel the forest ground through the shoes and feel really connected to the soil. I did two walks of 1 kilometer ... anything more than that felt unsafe, as I am still recovering and you never know if you spot a wolf.
• The weekend had parties, which went well, considering my feet. Needed to sit a few times, had to be careful about other people not stepping on my foot, and only did some rudimentary dancing, but still, it was nice to be out again.
• Visited dad both Tuesday and Sunday. Tuesday ended a bit stressful, but by Sunday he seemed better again.

  Played

• Soggy Biscuits (prototype of the new game by Adrian Collier)
• Ca$h 'n Guns: Second Edition (cool bluffing game with actual foam guns)
• Taco Cat Goat Cheese Pizza (gorilla!)
• Cheese Thief (super fast social deduction, modern classic)
• Mountain Goats (interesting, but I suck at it because I can't do math that fast)
• Curios (easy and quick game, nice starter)
• Feed The Kraken (similar to Secret Hitler, but with an interesting two-way policy selectore)

  Listened

• “Cars are (REALLY) expensive!” episode of The Urbanist Agenda podcast

  Watched

• The Godfather (1972)
• Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind (1984)

It was a strange week with ups and downs, both in life and in my recovery.

Happened

• Monday was a confusing day at work. Let's leave it at that.
• Since I heard about it on Tuesday, I shared the new “NOS Journaal in makkelijke taal” with multiple people who I know are trying to learn Dutch. I have always liked the Japanese NHK News Easy and I am so glad we now also have this resource.
• On Wednesday I took an afternoon off to visit my dad. He’s doing fine again for now, but I want to prioritize seeing him while he is still with us.
• I’ve been slowly trying to mobilize my left foot again. I am already walking on it, but so far that has been a bit of limping. My goal for this week is to actually put some minor load on it, for example by doing some calf raises while I am sitting. It’s crazy how little power there is, but it’s also nice to see that by Wednesday, the situation had already improved so much. I even once managed to stand single legged on the left side for about 20 seconds.
• My enthusiasm on Wednesday also made me discover some exercises by following pain and discomfort, moving my feet in ways that was uncomfortable but not too painful. The videos I found online afterwards confirmed my findings: they recommended most of those movements. All the discomfort and immobility was back on Thursday, and for the sake of not rushing things I did not repeat them too much, but it feels good to be in control of the progress.
• By Friday I felt like there was no progress at all in my walking. It's a bit demoralizing, having pain and knowing that it's probably something I should "go through", but also not being completely certain if this is the correct kind of pain to be seeking out. Am I reducing the soreness, or am I actually hurting my bone?
• Saturday I went to the Boardgayming XL event, where I played Delta Green again with Y. as DM. We played from 14:00 to 21:00, so practically the whole event. Afterwards, I found A. who did not survive in his game of Nemesis (which was still going on with the other players), so we played a few times with my new game Sky Team, which is a two-player cooperative game in which you are trying to land a plane silently assigning dice rolls to all kinds of buttons and levers you need to balance. It's a really fun game, would recommend.
• On Sunday, my dad was home again, as usual I went to Leiden to visit him. My stepmom said she saw real progress in the way I walked, compared to last week and compared to Wednesday. I was glad to hear this, did some more balancing on one leg and felt indeed that it improved. I even dared to walk a bit on forefoot, and it went really well and painless. Being my own physiotherapist, looking for natural motions, guided by pain and soreness seems to pay off after all.

  Read

• The Organized Mind by Daniel Levitin, introduction and chapter 1

  Played

• Sky Team, successfully landed on Montréal-Trudeau (green), Haneda (green) and Kuala Lumpur (yellow).

  Listened

• En niemand bleef onaangeraakt (podcast about the HIV pandemic), episode 1

  Watched

• Fight Club (1999)
• The Boyfriend (the Japanese gay dating show on Netflix), episode 1-4

Another week, and more recovery. I feel like I am almost back to normal now, but I am very aware that I shouldn't think that too fast.

Happened

• On Monday I went to the doctor again for my foot. We did not do any x-rays, it was mostly just a talk about how it went. She told me I can take off the weird sandal and use normal shoes, that if I have pain I should go back to the weird one, and that I don’t have to come back anymore, as I can probably heal myself on my own. In my head I heard all my international friends scream how Dutch this is, but hey, I am Dutch and I actually prefer this approach.
• Tuesday I had my first improvisation class. I notice that I blank a lot when playing D&D and I would like to be able to silence my inner critic a bit more and just go with whatever is happening at the table (or in other life situations). The first session was mostly about learning names, but it had some really interesting simple but very hard games.
• After improv I went to Prik for boardgames, which was the first time I’ve been there since my foot broke. I just stopped by for a tosti and didn’t actually play anything, but it was nice to be able to do so again.
• Wednesday I felt I practiced enough with normal shoes in and around the house, so took them to the office. Also swapped the electric car I’ve borrowed (no clutch) for my Volkswagen Up again. It’s disturbing how much a fuel car shakes and I feel even more guilty now that I drive it (short distances) again.
• Friday evening was D&D again, this time with me as DM. I intended to run a homebrew heist, but because there was so much going on this week (I don’t share everything here), I just took a published adventure which turned into less of a heist than I hoped, but was still fun.
• Saturday I went shopping and to the park, then to the birthday of M., which was a nice social activity with plenty of sofa’s. The shopping was mostly by bike, but I did use normal shoes throughout the day and that all goed every well, considering this is week 5, but I should still be careful.
• I actually notice that I have more pain in the normal sturdy shoes than I have on bare foot in my house. Granted: in neither case I walk naturally yet, but it made me want to explore something I wanted to try out for a long time, so I bought “barefoot” shoes. They fit well and walking on them is strange but not painful. Will experiment with them carefully.
• (I didn’t dare to buy the individually toed shoes – search for “Vibram fivefingers” – but I did fit them and they feel amazing and I am going to try to dare to do that.)
• Sunday I visited my dad again. It's nice that I can move myself enough so that I can actually reach Leiden on my own, and it's also nice that I am recovered enough that I can push his wheelchair through the weekly puzzle that is our hallway. Yet, although I am recovering, from wheelchair to crutches to walking barefoot, he is not and never will. But I am glad we do the things we still have.

  Read

• The Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss (chapters 23-26)

  Watched

• Ocean’s Eleven (2001)

At the beginning of this week, all hope for a speedy recovery seemed far away, but a week worth of healing is still a lot.

Happened

• As I wrote previously, Tuesday and Wednesday I started and finished composing a shared document about Hadini's Hotel, the imaginary infinite hotel that we use within the Boardgayming community to hold our Dungeons and Dragons sessions together.
• On Wednesday, I was in a lot of pain again. I always imagined having a broken bone as a piercing pain, but so far it has been more of a bludgeoned pain. (Using D&D terms here, in Dutch I would express this as "stekende pijn" vs "beurse pijn".) On Wednesday there was piercing pain all of the sudden. I think it's because – even though I have been very religious about wearing the weird shoe while walking – I've been taking it off while sitting down. And sometimes I like to sit down in weird poses, pushing my foot against the chair. From then on, I always wore the weird shoe even more.
• On Thursday, I saw a man who clearly recently lost his left foot. I am very grateful I have mine still, and that it heals so well so far, even though it seems to go slow at times.
• My seemingly weekly D&D session was on Friday this week, and it was the second part of A.'s first try at DM'ing. The first part was in week 2 and I used the wheelchair a lot back then, but now I actually cycled to J.'s house and walked the short distances to the elevator and such without crutches. It seemed like I was the least tired person at the table, so many people having been on holidays and festivals, but it was still nice to finish the session.
• I've been wanting to go to Subcultures again for weeks and Saturday I finally thought it wouldn't be too unreasonable to take the train to Utrecht with my broken foot. I took my Cabin Zero backpack and attached both crutches via the straps on the sides of it. I walked without them to Bijlmer Arena (which is 400 meters) and then in Utrecht I used them both all the way to Subcultures. I don't know why this boardgame store attracts me so much, but I love being there and browsing their (Indie) RPG section. I bought Kids on Bikes: 2nd edition and also visited some other stores in Utrecht before going back early again.
• Today on Sunday I went to Sassenheim and Leiden again to visit my dad. There are some concerning things, but he seemed doing better today and it was a relaxing afternoon. Today included a combined 3km of walking, and I don't have pain now, so my foot is really healing. I am curious what the doctors will say tomorrow.
• One good thing that came from the broken foot is that my arms are starting to gain muscle, thanks to the crutches. In the first week, I could not support myself with my arms for very long, but walking through Utrecht this week I noticed that has changed. Let's see if I can keep this promise to myself, but I want to keep training my arms. Thanks to running I could easily support my full body weight on one leg, and the goal is to be able to do the same with my combined arms.

  Read

• The Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss (chapters 16-23)

A month ago I wrote that I was now a "Game Master", as I finished the book and ran some sessions. I'm still going strong with that, although I have had the pleasure to be a player to some new GMs as well in the past few weeks.

My shared universe

Most of the sessions I run, I run within a spin-off of the Boardgayming Amsterdam community. At the moment of writing this is a Whatsapp-group with around 50 people, where the habit is to just post a poll, proposing a time, with the options "Player", "Host", "DM" and sometimes "Yes but not this date". People can then vote for the role they want to take in the session and create a new group with only those interested to actually plan the thing. The sessions are always in-person and mostly at someone's house.

The group started playing at first level because D. joined a "normal" Boardgayming event and proposed to DM some D&D games. I missed those first sessions, but later on when J. took over the role of "most active DM of the group" I joined a few sessions. And well, as I was interested and found the book, this was the easiest way for me to just try to DM myself, and that happened.

As a structure, D. invented a central hub to our adventures, which is the magical Hadini's Hotel, an infinite hotel created by a wizard, which has entrance doors in many many cities. When it was first described to me by J., what I saw was an endless tavern (in my minds eye one infinite room with tavern furniture, but with a ceiling), and Hadini was wearing a top hat. This turned out to be a bit like the whisper game: D. later described Hadini's Hotel as a hotel in art deco style ("like The Movies in Amsterdam") and Hadini as wearing a fez. The structure still worked though.

Formalizing Hadini

Thursday I read this post by P. from the RPG Night in Utrecht, a third one in his series on distributed campaigns. In his series, he talks about a few prerequisites: have a number of truths about the world, divide the campaign world into regions and give each GM complete authority over their region, and finally create some non-trivial but traversable boundary between those regions. Read the series for more.

Quite coincidentally, or maybe influenced by the earlier posts, I actually did some work to get this working for Hadini's Hotel this week. I had the idea for a while, but since we're kind of moving out of the summer break, I proposed to the other DMs to call this a new season and to create some structure. To be fair: the main problem I was trying to solve was character progression, as the whole group had been level 4 since March, as non of the active DMs (me included) felt like they had the authority to level up the PCs.

In coming up with some form of structure for leveling up, I also created a page that contained some truths about Hadini's Hotel. This was the moment I found out about the fez. The whole document can since Wednesday be found on the on-purpose old-fashionedly styled page over at Hadini.nl.

But is it really decentralized now?

The main purpose of Hadini's Hotel is to have a shared narrative starting point. Since the Hotel has doors in infinite other places and realms, we can use it to plug in any adventure to PCs who already know each other, or have never met at all. This is also it's biggest downfall though: getting the party outside of the Hotel can be a bit of an exercise.

Several players have reported their character to be "trapped" in the Hotel. Which makes no sense: they leave it for an adventure and two weeks later "oh no", we're in the Hotel again. Comparing this to P.'s notes, where he uses regions: PCs only move to another region if the player is switching to another GM. This means the player has a reason to give the character a reason to change to the other region. This also means that characters are never magically transported back to start (and thus also never against their own will).

The other thing is that there are very little shared truths. Only this week I've canonized a few important (or minor?) details about the Hotel and it's staff, keeping stuff intentionally vague in order to give new DMs stuff to play with, while still giving them some frame of reference to play off of. But the details that are agreed on now seldom influence the actual adventure.

So no, I don't think we're a decentralized campaign now. We're still a series of one-shots with returning characters.

Does it have to be?

Hadini's Hotel doesn't have to be anything, of course. But I notice I am longing for a bit of consistency between sessions, both as a DM and as a player. Running completely unrelated one-shots every time is just a lot of work, as very little work you do for that one session can be carried over to the next one. And players get the feeling they are stuck within the Hotel, especially if they keep being the same level for months.

With the level issue solved, I think Hadini's Hotel can be enough of a structure for me. I am thinking of creating a world on my own, and just use the Hotel as a bridge, but still keeping the principles of the distributed campaign in mind. This will give me some factions and world events to build on in between sessions, and it could be a starting point if someone else also wants to DM in the same world.

New players could also just create a character in this new world and never be at the Hotel. I'll just inform them that it's an option to also be native to some other world if they want to be, as the Hotel can take them here, and they would still have access to the one-shots provided by other DMs using the old structure. If I do accept PCs native to my world, it does mean I would not always start the adventure in the Hotel itself, but just resort to some hand-wavy "you have been hired" kind of thing.

The last thing I want to start playing with is the idea that at the end of the session, the goal for the next session is determined. This is an idea from P.'s post about his open table for Mausritter, and I think it could work for me too. I have ran a "proactive" one-shot that is turning into a two-shot for another group of friends, and I really like the preparation style of just updating the state of the world based on what happened at the table, and keeping track of actual character goals and coming up with twists and backstory for them. I want that in Hadiniverse too.

The first session of this new "season" is next Friday, and I guess I will keep you posted.

Let's start some week-notes, because my life had a bit of an all-changing this week and I wanted to capture and share some of it in a structured way. Also, I've been wanting to track what I read and write for a while, but individual posts feel too much of a hassle. Let's see if this sticks – I wrote it in a draft file during the week, which worked well, and I even managed to remember to post it!

Happened

• I broke a bone in my left foot last Saturday on my way to a final Pride party. Of course I was only able to see a doctor on Monday, because "if you walked home, it is not broken". How else was I supposed to get home? My own pain tolerance also fooled me into thinking it was probably not that serious.
• For the first week, my leg is in a temporary cast, and only tomorrow a doctor is going to predict how long this is going to take. I therefore cancelled a lot of plans for this week, but I still have my hopes up for the coming week. I did however change my ticket for a 14km trail run in the end of September to 7km. I have no idea if that is doable at all, but at least this way I increase my chances. I really hope I can participate (no matter the time) in the 7heuvelenloop in November.
• While I was able to get crutches at the hospital, I also ordered a wheelchair and a special chair for showering. I got quite handy with those tools very fast, but I also cannot think how I would arrange daily life on my own without it.
• I went to Leiden for a night and a day, which was nice, but also challenging, because normal things ('sure I can get up the stairs sitting backwards') quickly became very complicated ('okay but how do I get off the ground now that I am on the second floor?'). Luckily my stepmom provided me with a few tools and groceries and drove me back to my own single-floor apartment, and it was just a lovely break of the week.
• By Thursday I had modified all kinds of things about the wheelchair: I added a shopper in the back, a small pouch to the side, removed the leg stand on the right side, and even attached a spare Philips Hue light switch with some tie-wraps. Sure, the situation sucks, but let’s make it as cool as possible.
• Saturday I played Delta Green with some friends who were so kind to move the session to my place. It's a roleplaying game in which you are part of a secret organisation that investigates occult things, and our (first time) DM Yicun chose Amsterdam as our setting, with the 3rd of August 2024 as the date. This meant that during the sesson, somewhere on Dam Square a Sebastiaan Andeweg was breaking his foot. I wanted my character Stefan Lennips to be there with a sniper or something, but unfortunately, he was caught up in an investigation of an apartment somewhere in West. Very strange things were happening there indeed.
• Today I discovered that there was a third point on the paper they gave me at the hospital: not only should I keep my leg high and keep the cast dry from any water; I should also do some exercises with my toes, every hour. This was a total surprise to me: I have been holding my leg as still as possible for the whole week, hoping that would speed up recovery. Tomorrow I'll hear how much this mistake will hurt me in the long run, but I am not too happy about it.

Read

• A Game Master's Guide to Proactive Roleplaying by Jonah and Tristan Fishel (parts, not finished)

Watched

• Dimension 20's Fantasy High, season 1, episodes 3 to 14

The only reason I dare to write any of this is because Henrique wrote about the positives and negatives of his new workplace.

I have a relatively new job too, since March, and one of the things I struggle most with is that my coworkers are much less "my kind of people" than I used to have around me in the previous company, which unfortunately went bankrupt. They are still nice people and most of them mean well, but I don't feel at home.

Last Friday, during lunch time, I found myself suddenly in a homophobic conversation among the three other coworkers at the table. It was the kind of conversation where straight males find an anecdote from their past where they were confronted with homosexuality, and then distance themselves from it by telling how they rejected it in the moment. The group will then encourage this by confirming they wouldn't have that either, and then someone else can take the turn to tell such an anecdote.

Being in the conversation felt like being in a slow train wreck. I looked up from my phone, wondered what was happening here, but then it not only continued, it worsened, with the anecdotes just piling up. It is very hard for any person to break such a chain, even for allies willing to change the subject, and I as an open gay person (to them too!) just did not how to handle this. When the conversation ended I walked away, did a solitary walk around the block and packed my stuff to work from home the rest of the day.

The reaction of my teamlead was good: we scheduled a meeting with someone from HR. After the meeting, I talked it over with two of the coworkers that same Monday, and with the last coworker yesterday, as he wasn't present anymore on Monday. With this, everything should be fine.

But I notice I still feel bad. To be fair, I felt much better on Monday. The reactions of the first two coworkers were really good and I noticed how completely at ease I worked on Monday afternoon. I knew I belonged, that I could sit there behind that desk, that it was my place and that I was valued. That is a very important feeling.

The third coworker was back on Tuesday, and this is the coworker I have caught with homophobic and racist comments before, so I felt a bit more nervous going into this conversation.

He didn't notice there was something wrong with the topic, and he said he did not have the intention of hurting me. I said I could try to help him by being more clear about when a topic wasn't suitable. He agreed. I said that I am actively withholding parts of myself and my opinions from lunch conversations, because I know he has different political views. He said that yes, he is that way, he likes to ventilate. At the end of the conversation the teamlead asked if I wanted to add anything. I said that for that moment, I did not.

I was already dissatisfied when we walked out of the room. I gave my coworker space to be himself (as I always try to) and hoped he would return the favor. He took the space, but offered none. In a way, I now made it my problem to wait for the next homophobic moment. I now have to be watchful again, because it might happen again – dare I say, will happen again. The first time it will be mild, but if I let it slip, it will come back bigger, until we are at full homophobia and full racism again.

I mean this last part is obviously speculation. But it reflects how I envision the situation to go, and how I lost that feeling of being able to just be, to just focus on my work without having to worry about what conversations are happening around me. Inclusivity is an effort, and it should not be on the shoulders of those who are in some minority.

In the conversation with HR, they said they were alarmed because I said "I have as much right to this job as them". Conversations like the one at lunch are a way to subvert that right for minorities, because it makes them be on guard when the straight white cis males can work with all their focus. Help, I even think I played this down a bit for HR, just because I didn't want them to feel so uncomfortable with the thought of homophobia in their company. It wasn't aimed at me right? Maybe they didn't mean it like that? But no: it was very toxic and it should not have happened. And: it is not my job to educate my coworkers.

I don't exactly know what note I want to end on. I guess I want to just thank you for reading. Trying to understand each other and to see life from their perspective is the best thing we can do in these matters.